i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize