4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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