Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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