Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
