someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
