He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
