Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
