Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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