Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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