I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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