i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
