Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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