Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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