this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
