I'm jealous of your bromance
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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