New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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