he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
