you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
