It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
