Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
