Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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