there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He felt like a one man threesome
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
