you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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