Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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