my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
