apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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