1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
