the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
