OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this boner is exhausting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
