I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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