There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
