Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
