My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
