What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
