you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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