turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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