Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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