I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
