And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
