you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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