Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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