maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize