Kareoke will never be a sober sport
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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