Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
