guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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