I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
