Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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