I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
