If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
