so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
