I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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