she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
