i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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