Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
