What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
