Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
