We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
