You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
