It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
