Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
