your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
