I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
