i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
