the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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