O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
