Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
