Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize