You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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