but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
4 words: hood of his car
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
