I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
