..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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