Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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