Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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