I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
