You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize