so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
