I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
