I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
