Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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