my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
