he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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