You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Someone shattered a urinal.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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