Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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