I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
