Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
