The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
