good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She needs sedatives and a leash
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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