so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
