my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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