Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
