u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
