You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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