He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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