shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
