He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
