You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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