I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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