maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she told me i tasted like america
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
