Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
