OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize